She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
