did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
