he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
