Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
