I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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