she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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