so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
