Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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