I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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