the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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