Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
whose parrot is this?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
