you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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