Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
