Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
