i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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