The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
