Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
