new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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