Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
