Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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