One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
