How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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