The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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