Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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