I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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