i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
