ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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