Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
