my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
