Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
