is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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