when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
