That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
