i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
