Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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