Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
