He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
