How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
