I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
