Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
