I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
