just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
