I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
