omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
