That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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