one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
