a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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