It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
