One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
