Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
